Shhhwhat?

Today is one of those days when I don't feel like eating or moving or getting out of bed.

Last night was lots of fun, if completely unproductive. The women's resource center had their open house last night and it was terrific. We had a great turn out, a suprisingly great turn out. Played a rousing game of Battle of the Sexes and the guys ended up with the win. We, never ones to let a defeat slip through the cracks, are demanding a rematch. Vanidy came over. We talked all night long. She got work done. I, not so much. Oh well.

Capone, my ex-boyfriend/love of my life, is becoming the one thing I look forward to every day. We talk constantly-hours on the phone laughing and sharing with each other. In the months that he was my boyfriend we hardly had that kind of connection. We were friends sure but it was about the sex. I fell in love with him last January. I've been waiting for him to fall in love with me but it seemed so futile. He's got an hard exterior like woah. But lately, in light of eveything that has happened, he's changed. I think the whole school fiasco got him to the point where he was forced to look inside himself and decide what and who really mattered. And one of those whos ended up being me. I've got to find some way to get to see him. I need money more than anything right now. But he said that when the summer comes, if I can manage to get a single again, he'll come out and spend some time with me. Maybe the summer will come and show me the one who I was made for.

Unfortunately, G is caught up in all of my indecisivness. I told him that I was still in love with Capone on sunday night. He said he knew. He asked me if he had just been there to take up time, to fill the space that Capone had left open. I told him no, I told him that I love him too. And I do. I promise this. He's always been there for me, he's sometimes the one I count on the most. What is love if not denying your hatred of sports and instead watching hours of Sports Center? I'll figure things out. Eventually.

I'm sure Van would blame the subject matter of this entry on my bipolar gemini nature.