Another Day.

Yeah yeah.
Just another one of those days. Went to class, now I'm at work. I've got a meeting with one of my professors at 4:30. blah blah. Just trying to survive and get to the weekend really.

This is going to be a lame weekend. Why am I looking forward to it?

The Posse retreat is this weekend. That thing I was not invited to. I am essentially the only person not invited. Or at least that is the way it feels. I'll just hang around this weekend and do things on my own because I got it like that.

I go in and out of mini boughts of depression. Sometimes I'm so up and others I'm so incredibly sick and tired of everything and everyone. Like right now for instance. What excuse do I have to be so sad?

Van is sick so I went over to take care of her last night. I woke up at precisely 8 am, scrunched up in a little ball with my feet shoved in between some couch cushions. I've determined that I terrific solution to the problem of oversleeping is sleeping in someone else's environment. I used to wake up insanely early when I slept with Sil. I'd wake up and his arm would oft times be cutting off the passage of air through my lungs and I ain't gonna lie, I used to love that feeling. But just as long as he was cutting off my air come morning, I was never late for whatever I had to do.

I told him he should watch the movie Bluehill Avenue. He did and he loved it. Unfortunately, he loved it so much that it made him homesick and want to go back to the sort of life that he led before he went to school. If you've ever seen the movie, you could understand why this strikes a chord of fear in my heart. I don't want him to go back to the way things used to be. I want him to be happy but I want to be able to be happy with him. I can't be happy if I'm constantly worried about what he's doing and what kind of trouble he could possibly be getting himself into. I refuse to put myself through it anymore. I want to be able to tell my parents who I'm seeing and what I'm doing with my free time. I don't like feeling like I have to hide him from the rest of the world.

"even when your hustling days are gone, she'll be by your side still holding on."

Who ever thought I'd be that girl.