I wrote this entry earlier today:
It’s almost time for me to be hitting the road again. If everything works out, and I definitely think it will, then this time next month I will be back in the state of Ohio. And this time, no bullshitting. I’m going to be one of those damn overachievers everyone always seems to be going on about.
A little personal life drama though, unfortunately. Oddly enough, it revolves around Arielle. Normally, I try not to give over too much time thinking about her because she doesn’t take much time to think about me. But on the way to the office today, India was warbling sentimentally about something or other and the lyric, “just like you’d fight for your sister if you knew that somebody dissed her,” came floating out of the speakers.
“What a novel idea,” I thought. “Someone coming to their sister’s defense. People do that?!”
Yesterday, Arielle casually mentioned that there was a rumor going around Starbucks that I was crazy. Apparently Mr. Green Apron told a co-worker about the drama we were going through when we “broke up” and that guy ran and repeated it (with commentary) to Arielle. And you would think that if she heard someone spreading a rumor about her sibling that she would try to put an end to it, right? Seems like a natural enough reaction, right? But no, not dear old Arielle. She didn’t say a thing and doesn’t seem to comprehend why she should. I started off being mad at Mr. Green Apron but upon analysis transferred my energy in Arielle’s direction. I know she doesn’t seem to actually like me or have much respect for me but she is my sister. Obviously, kinship counts for less then I thought.
I deleted Mr. Green Apron’s number from my phone. A half hour after the deed was done, he called. I put his number back in. [He, at least, is honest and now understands why I don’t want to hear my name in some stranger’s mouth. He, at least, said he was going to talk to the guy. Mr. Green Apron has more respect and affection for me than my own sibling. But hey, that’s cool. I won’t have to see or talk to her for a few months when I go back to school. She doesn’t call ever so avoiding her will be pretty easy.] Back to Green Apron. He was returning my phone call. And he wanted to see me. Ely was gone for the day so the office was free and clear. I, knowing what my relationship with Mr. Green Apron is about and fueled with a desire to spite Arielle, agreed to roll through before I took my A-quality psychology final. I was still mad at him but obviously not enough to abstain from engaging in sexual activity with him. Needless to say, it was worth it. Mr. Green Apron is f-ing fantastic. He’s the best I’ve ever had and he reciprocates the sentiment. Can’t very well go and throw that kind of sexual compatibility out of the window because of a few character flaws, can you? The very idea sounds quite wrong and pointless to my twisted moral ear.
Just another day in the life.
But then this happened:
Capone called. Capone called my cell phone. I had been thinking about him, wanting him, willing him to contact me and he calls. The call came through while I was on the phone with my mother. I was sitting at my desk at work minding my own business when a foreign number showed up on my caller ID. I din't recognize the area code or anything so my curiousity go the best of me. The voice on the line sounded eerily but impossibly familiar. We didn't get to stay on the phone for very long but it was long enough for him to say that he loves me and he misses me. He's going to call again on Saturday.
So.
Just when I thought that maybe I could put him behind me he comes back into my world. He's overseas and still has the power to make me want to drop everything so I can be with him. I'm in pain. As much as I wanted to hear from him, the sound of his voice makes me want to cry. I can't even comprehend what I'm supossed to do next. I don't know.
