don't know.

It's a good feeling not to be depressed. One of the better feeling that I've had in my life actually.

I am now able to be sad but not have to sink into a feeling of despair.

Like right now I'm kind of sad. But just that regular kind of sad. It's almost a nice feeling.

Ok, that's done.

I was chatting with my darling Dawn and we got to talking about ex-boyfriends. When one gets to talking about exes, one gets to talking about Capone. Sure, Capone has gone back to Cape Verde, has been gone for months, but now for some reason, he's back on my brain. Thinking about him and thinking about us. I miss him in a way that hurts my heart. I want to see him and I want to talk to him and I want to have him back. Not back in the sense that I want him to be my boyfriend again but I wish I could have him back in my life. I know that this is an impossibility; I know that we cannot function in a relationship. But I want him.

It was with this feeling that I got in the car to see Mr. Green Apron. He's a guy I've been sort of kind of seeing for the past few months. We were getting along pretty well and then we weren't and then we were but not quite the same and now we've kind of settled into a type of casual situation. Mr. Green Apron works at the Starbucks down on Hull Street (hence the nickname) and he suggested that I meet him after work for a "chat." I needed to get out of the house and get some gas and whatnot anyway so I gave him a call. He had gotten off early and taken off without me. I became unnecessarily and irrationally upset when I learned that I wouldn't be able to see him. I needed--need--someone to hold me. I need that release, that comfort. I wish...oh jeez. Nevermind.